I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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