The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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