listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
