He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
