your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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