I'm going to jail i love you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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