I could make wine with my vomit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
