ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
