i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
whose ass print is on the piano?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
