so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
