This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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