I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize