I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
