There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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