His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
