my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is Oprah even human
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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