It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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