Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Panties = found
Randomize
