So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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