I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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