Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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