Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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