It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
