omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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