i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
