Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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