so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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