i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
