Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she peed on how many people?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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