Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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