Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
