My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
