So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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