Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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