I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
