So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
