The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
