Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
