Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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