I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
