Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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