hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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