is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
