all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
