IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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