Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
