it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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