I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
