You work out of a Hotel?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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