im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
