maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
