you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
