Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
