Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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