guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
