i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
