i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
