If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
