Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
