There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
