Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
