She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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