I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
