go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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