laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
